Welcome back to the Oxendine Law podcast. Jared Oxendine along with my co-host Christine Palmer. And believe it or not, this is episode 44. I kind of checked a second ago. I said, "Wow." I look at Christine said, "Christine, this is Do you realize this is our 44th episode?" >> Time flies when you're having fun. >> It's crazy. So, welcome to our 44th episode. Important topic today. And even when you don't realize you're dealing with some of this, you probably are. Everybody deals with it in a different way. This is understanding how emotional stress can impact your divorce. So, we want to talk about how best to protect your mental health and your peace during the divorce process. Um, Christine, it's a real thing. It >> um clients not all the time want to be going through this process. You know, sometimes people are, for lack of a better word, forced into a divorce situation. They didn't see it coming. They don't really want the divorce. Now, that doesn't mean that they don't need the divorce, right? Some people are willing to stay in a bad situation for the wrong reasons. But whether you want the divorce or whether you don't want the divorce, there's certainly some level of emotional impact. How can folks recognize that and what can they do to protect themselves? >> Right? So I want to first talk about the recognition part because in my opinion it's easier when you are the sort of what we would call victim, right? The one who necessarily didn't start the divorce. You may not want the divorce. It's easy for that person to recognize I'm going to need some help and support through this. I'm not ready for this. I don't want this. I don't emotionally want this. Um I didn't ask for this. This is being put upon me. Um I think it's easy for that person to recognize I might need some emotional support. I might need to lean on somebody. I might need therapy. What's harder is when you're the moving person, right? So, you've internally told yourself, "I'm ready for this. I want to be divorced." You've done all that you can to plan and prepare for what life is going to look like after divorce. I can speak from experience and tell you you are not prepared. Um, and I think it's harder for that person oftenimes to recognize they might actually need some support because you think to yourself, well, I figured all that out already. You know, I got myself there. I knew not to just wake up one morning and file for divorce. So, I've been thinking about it. I've been planning for it financially. I have been talking to other people who've been divorced and getting all the tips that I can. Um, it's still an emotional journey for that person. And I think that's the the client that I find oftentimes that doesn't recognize that they need some emotional support or some assistance. Um, I recommend every one of my clients get some level of therapy. I'll go through it with you, right? We always talk about your emotional support buddy. Like you just need a person. And that can be a family member, a co-orker, a friend, someone you go to church with, somebody you work out with at the gym. Um some people like when it's not someone in their immediate circle, but find someone, one go-to person that you can always call. Don't always lean on that one person though because you're going to you're going to burn that bridge kind of fast. But have the person that you know you can reach out to in those most dire of moments. That's layer one. Layer two is get the professional help. And I do recommend both. >> Yeah. And I would say sometimes the the friend or the family member can serve its purpose, but if it's not and you're not feeling better and you're still depressed, upset, emotional, you've got to realize when it's important to get that professional help because these folks are trained. They know how to talk to you and get you to self-reflect and recognize the issues that you're dealing with and how to cope with those issues. And I think it's a big um misnomer to say, hey, if I go and get professional help during the divorce case because I'm having an a problem dealing with this divorce and coping with this divorce, that that somehow is going to be used against you in the divorce case. And it's not. So, do not think that just because you decide to get professional mental health counseling during the divorce case, as long as it's just because you need help getting through the divorce process, that actually is applauded. It's not frowned upon. That's not going to backfire on you. And I'll make this observation. Appearance is everything. >> Yeah. >> And what do I mean by that? If your soontobe ex sees that they're beating you down and you're just walking around and you're depressed and you're upset and you look like you just got kicked in the butt, they're going to exploit that. >> Yeah. >> You know, they're going to continue to push your buttons and continue to beat you down more. Why? Because they think they are beating you. And if they beat you up a little bit more that you're going to give in and give them what they want. Appearance is everything. I'll give you I give you an example. I caught a client, I think it was last week, and I'm usually in an upbeat, cheery mood, and I try to be even if I'm not personally because some of these clients are going through this time in their life, and they need somebody to be a cheerleader and be upbeat. Hey Jared, how you doing today? I'm fine, I guess. You know, that's the the the reaction I got from the clown on the phone. Had absolutely nothing to be upset about. Case is going her way. I'm actually calling her for good news, but hey, I'm fine, I guess. just like Eeyore. I call it the Eeyore personality. Everybody know Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. That's the little the little donkey that whoo is me, you know, it's raining today, you know, and that's the attitude. And so if you portray that, appearance is everything. And it's not just for purposes of not letting the other side see you sweat, right? I mean, that's the famous saying, don't let the other side see you sweat. It's also you've got to get your mind right and be excited about this new opportunity because if you're going through this divor divorce process, news flash, something's not right in your relationship. And this is an opportunity for you to get a fresh new start and you need to get excited about that independence in that new start or whether it's, you know, having control of your own money again and not having somebody micromanage your finances or not being checked on where you are at every moment in your life. you know, why did you stop here or why are you going out with so and so or arguments over how you how you decide to spend time with the kids during your time. I mean, there's lots of positives to get excited about. And if you're just depressed just because you want to be depressed, you're going to you're never going to see those positives and these new opportunities that are being presented to you, >> right? I mean, this is a new start. No matter whether you wanted it or not, it may have been forced upon you, but regardless of whether it was your choice or not your choice, it is a forced new start. And it is your opportunity to either take advantage of that and say, "Okay, I'm going to make this next chapter great or to just play victim and kind of act like this is all, you know, life is just happening around you and you're not taking charge of sort of controlling your circumstances. So that's part of what mental health counseling can help you do is that seize the day mentality. Like I have to go through this. Why not make the best of it instead of just sitting back and letting things happen around me. >> Protecting your mental health is just as important as protecting your legal rights. And we're here to help you. We will build you up. We'll get in your corner. We will help you get where you need to be. Not only from a legal standpoint, but we'll help you get there with the right attitude and the right mental focus to be as successful as you can, not only in your case, but also in life. Give us a call. We also have offices now in the greater Athens area. We're going to stop promoting that at some point because I think we've been doing a lot of that lately. But it's important to know uh we serve greater metro Atlanta, but also the greater Athens area and all the surrounding counties. If you're watching us on YouTube, hit that subscribe button so that you will be notified of every episode. Thanks for joining in. We'll see you next time.