Welcome back to the Oxendine Law podcast. I'm Jared Oxendine here with my partner Christine Palmer and we're going to dive into a new trending topic. Although it's not really that new and trending anymore. It's amazing how long social media has been out there. But we're going to be talking about Facebook and Tik Tok and Instagram, Twitter, all your favorite social media apps and platforms and common risk and pitfalls to avoid concerning what you post on social media. So, let's dive in. Let's break it down. Christine, people make these mistakes all the time. It always blows me away that people don't think about what they've put on social media and how that may come back up in their divorce. For example, there's lots of examples. This just the first one that comes to mind. I remember having a case. It was a custody battle and our client was alleging that the other party was an alcoholic and that they drank alcohol the time and they partied all the time and they were out at the bars. And guess what? Very easy. We pull up the Facebook account and there's the whole story. pictures of this lady taking shots. Picture of this lady at a big party with just drinks lined up. Actually, in the background, guess what we saw? We actually saw the kids in the background at this party with just like rows of shot glasses lined up completely full. You can tell everybody's about to take a shot. And there the kids are in the background, >> right? And it's one of those things like, okay, look parents, we're not saying you can't drink if you have kids. It's not that. It's not a good look when you're going through a divorce, though. We're all looking for ammo. You're going to use any and everything you can against that other person. So, why would you do it? and they can turn it around and say, "Well, my husband and I have done shots together in front of our kids." Well, sure, but just when you're when you're in under a microscope and everyone's already looking at you, just just keep it cool, man. Like, don't don't post it. >> That's right. And and we're not saying like you said, there's nothing wrong with having a drink here or there. But when you know the other side is accusing you of being a party animal, an alcoholic, the last thing you want to do is post pictures on Facebook, for example, of you being a party animal and an alcoholic at least for that night, >> right? Or the best is when it's, you know, the club or the bar has their little like logo in it. So it's the ones that they took from the night and they'll tag them in it. And so it's like, not only that, you were out like you were out so often that the club promoters caught you. You're tagged in the Blue Martini Facebook page, you know? >> That's right. That's right. We've seen it all. Now, and it's not just drinking and conduct stuff. Sometimes people make the mistake of going on to social media and they start complaining and they start talking bad about the other parent and just giving like really detailed examples of how they were wronged and how horrible this person was and what a horrible parent they are. And the problem is your kids friends see those post. your kid's friend's parents see those posts and actually now your kid may be made a fun at school or chastised or ridiculed because that parents mom or dad has decided to trash basically the family on social media and judges hate that and it backfires on you, >> right? Or the thing where you just share something from another page but you know so it's a little bit of vague booking. You share something and you're like everyone knows who you're talking about. You're like I didn't I didn't post anything. How many times they tell you that? I didn't post anything. Okay. Well, you just shared something from this other page that was clearly related to how you feel about the other party. Um, just because you didn't tag them in it doesn't mean we can't all read between the lines. >> That's right. Or sometimes we've seen people actually discuss their legal proceedings on social media specifically calling the judge names. Now, I will never forget this one. >> Somebody there we had a and this is completely racist. We had an African-American judge in the case actually really liked that judge. I think the judge actually did a fine job in the case. It was a temporary hearing. The opposing party, not our client, the opposing party goes onto social media and calls the judge the n-word. Okay, >> there for everyone to see. >> Now, I didn't find out about that until like a couple days before the final trial. So, we're meeting with a client to do prep for trial, and our client comes in and says, "Hey, guess what I found? Do you think we can use this? >> Can you use this?" >> Yeah. And I was like, "You know what? I'm going to find a way to work that in. And sure enough, we got it in. The judge saw it. The judge read it. Now, you would like to think the judge did not take that personally and it did not influence the judge's decision, but judges are human, too. And of course, that was in that judge, the back of the judge's mind when the judge made a decision. What a stupid mistake. >> The judge is judging your character. So, anyone who would do that period is of poor moral character. So yeah, you do get to sort of take that into consideration in your discretion because clearly they do not show good moral character or good restraint. >> It's really best just not to post anything negative or about your kids or about the judge or about your spouse or the other parent or certainly your parting partying on social media >> or um any new love interest you may have in your life. Please don't be tagged with anyone. You can sit there and say, "Oh, that's not a boyfriend. That's not a girlfriend. That wasn't a date. We We're in a group. You see, there's like nine people there. Um, let's just erase any suspicion and don't be tagged with other individuals who may be interpreted as a boyfriend or girlfriend. >> That's right. And and technically, right, it's okay. Let's say you're going through a divorce and you meet somebody during the divorce after you and your spouse have already separated. That's technically okay. The problem is is if you're in one of these emotionally charged divorces and let's say your your spouse is convinced that the reason you want a divorce is because you've been cheating for years and now all of a sudden after the divorce gets filed they see a post of you online with your boyfriend or girlfriend or somebody you're out on a date with. They're not going to believe and take your word that you just met this person. They're going to say, "Aha, I knew it." Yeah, >> you've been dating this person for years. How much money have you been spending on them? How many dinners have you taken them on? how many vacations have you taken him on? And it just makes the case much more difficult to get resolved because now you're having to disprove when you met this person and you're actually having to get through the emotional navigational waters with the other side to get them calmed down. It just makes settling the case much more difficult. So, great point. >> Right. We often see cases where one party wants a divorce and one party, they just may not know they want a divorce yet. But the biggest question I get for someone who the other party has filed and then they come to see me second is why? Why? There's always a why. And they look for an answer. And there's usually not one pinpoint answer. But if you give them some blatant answer in their mind on social media, there's my why. There it is. Because of this guy or this girl. Uh it's immediately going to go there. So just, you know, don't put it on social. You can do it behind closed doors even. Just don't put it on social. >> Changing your privacy settings are not enough. Tell us why, Kirsten. >> Right. If you have one of those friends that's a super sleuth or you are the friend who is the super sleuth who knows how to talk to somebody's somebody's somebody who might have went to high school with them and just say, "Wait a minute, are you friends with them on Facebook?" I mean, you can go seven degrees of Kevin Bacon to try to find out someone who's on their friend list that can see that private information. Um, or, you know, just even on like Instagram. Okay, I've set to private. There's going to be ways that you can always try to break through those filters. And at the end of the day, again, if you're having to go that far that, you know, you're having to change your privacy settings, probably just hold off. It's not for forever. The divorce will end and you can post anything you want. Hey, go back and postumously post. Be like, "Hey, hot girl summer last summer. It was great. And here's, you know, a little real showing you what all I did back then." But for now, when you're in the moment, just don't don't try to work around it by changing your privacy. Just don't do it. >> Yeah. And and changing your privacy includes thinking you can just block your spouse. Like you said, you'd be surprised how many people know somebody that knows somebody that actually ends up being friends and they can still see the page and then they link it up with your spouse and they say, "Hey, guess what your wife just posted." >> You've if you've been married or known anybody for any amount of time, you're going to forget about that one high school friend or the one cousin you met at that one wedding and didn't even know that your wife had friended her on Facebook. And then there you go. You got an end. So >> look folks, we can't say it enough. Social media posts can have a huge impact on your divorce. Back in the day, it used to be he said, she said. Now we have these little nuggets of proof. So be mindful what you post on social media. If you need legal advice, reach out to us. We're happy to answer your questions. Uh the first consultation's free, so be sure to reach out so we can get you pointed in the right direction. Don't forget to subscribe to stay updated on additional legal programming. If you're on YouTube, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and that way you'll be the first to get our weekly podcast. Thanks for checking us out. We'll see you next time.