Welcome back to the Oxend Dying Law podcast. You know, today's episode is something that I promise you will not get on any other episode. It's so important, but it's so very little talked about, although we talk about it all the time in our office with our clients. And so this episode is all about in the context of your divorce discussing power and empowering yourself and boundaries and selfworth. This is a signature episode focused on mindset, confidence, and long-term personal outcomes. And I will start by saying the way you carry yourself out of the gate in your divorce case really can set the tone for how your spouse is going to react in the case. If you've been in a situation, and we see this all the time where you have been under your spouse's thumb, you have lost yourself as a person. you you don't even know who you are anymore because you have been so controlled personally, financially, just micromanaged on every single dime you spend and who you talk to. And when you get to see your friends, guess what? It's time to stand up for yourself and set a very confident, strong tone. >> Sure. Yeah. I mean, it's going to not only probably throw your spouse for a loop. You've suddenly found your voice. you've suddenly found some confidence, found some power. They're going to look at you like, "Who is this person? Um, who am I dealing with right now?" But also, you know, it's going to breed inside of you. If you just display that first step of confidence, then you're going to see how good that feels, and then you're going to get a little bit more confident, and then you're going to see how good that feels, and it's going to continue to progress within you. So finding your confidence and just living in it and being in it and exuding it and no longer walking on eggshells, no longer worrying about how what you say is going to affect him. I'm not talking about going attack him. I'm just saying like, you know, you used to not bring up this topic cuz oh, he'll just go off. Okay, bring it up. Now, I'm not saying you got to go like poke him about it, but no longer temper your normal yourself, your dayto-day based on what he or she may react. just start being you again and that will give you confidence, that will make you feel better, but also they're going to be like, "What in the world is going on?" >> And you're going to get so much enjoyment out of it. I mean, they always say the way you deal with a bully is you stand up to them. And if they've been used to bullying you around and you continue to give in and just be the little mouse that's skimpering and whimpering around, they're going to continue to take advantage of you during the divorce process because you're letting them do it. and they know they can do it because they've always done it. And so your negotiations are not going to be fair. They're not going to be reasonable because they're going to know at the end of the day you're going to give in just like you always have versus standing up for yourself and being confident, not letting them push you around. Now you're making some progress in your case. And sometimes clients, I wish they would take their own credit for it. I tell them, please take your own credit. But if you have to blame somebody, look at your spouse and say, I'm just doing what my attorney told me to do. make us be the bad guy. We're used to it. And if you need that out, fine. But I would say stand up and say, "Hey, I'm the one responsible for making this decision." Because that is certainly going to send a completely different message to them. But if you need to use this as an excuse, we're used to it, >> right? Jared and I will tell you, we are not big on these negative emotions like revenge and vengeance. That's not what we're doing this for. But look, we all know that that lives somewhere in everyone's brain. And you know what they say, the best revenge is living well. Do not wait till after your divorce to start that revenge living well. Start today. If you start that during your divorce, like every divorce, I'm divorced. Everyone knows if you watch my podcast, you I'm very open about it. I'm divorced myself. Very amicable divorce, but a divorce nevertheless. So, everyone in every divorce, good, bad, ugly, no matter what. Long marriage, short marriage, there is a healing process after every single divorce. But you don't have to wait till after your divorce to start that process. You can do two things at once. You can be simultaneously healing, recovering, working on yourself, growing while me and Jared are handling the legal side, right? You don't have to wait for us to get done with our part for you to start doing your part. And sometimes it is better to bifurcate that in your brain. Legal Jared and Christine are handling. I don't have to stress about that. I don't have to worry about anything except what day do they need me in their office for mediation. Other than that, I know that they're handling it. If it has a heading, a pleading that has a style at the top of the case, I don't have to worry about it. They'll tell me when my discovery is due. They'll tell me what they need from me. I don't have to call in every day and say, "Where are we at? What are we doing?" I don't have to worry about that. I get to worry about me while my attorneys worry about everything related to legal. And start focusing on yourself and start that process now. Because if you wait until you're done, you're just delaying your happiness and there's no need for that. >> And especially if you have children together with your spouse, I mean, that's even more of a reason to stand up for yourself because as you know, custody, parenting time, child support, always subject to modification even after the divorce. So, if you don't stand up for yourself during the divorce process and make sure you get what you're entitled to and not give in to their unreasonable demands, they're going to continue to bully you and try to harass you and micromanage and control you after the divorce as it relates to your children. So, that's even more of a reason to go ahead and start standing up for yourself. And I'll tell you, Christine, one of my most favorite moments in handling these type of cases is to see a client that comes into the office on day one. They're meeting you for the first time. They are mentally and emotionally exhausted. They are beat down. They don't recognize themselves anymore. And it's written all over their face, right? And by the way, everybody around you sees that, too. Your friends, your family, your spouse, right? They all see that. But then to see that that transformation to see a client that actually takes this advice and they stand up for themselves and they get what they're entitled to and they're happy with their life and their outcome in their case. They've got access to their own money. They've got custody and parenting time the way they need it. They are out from underneath this person's thumb living separately and thriving. And by the time they come into your office when the case is being finalized, they are a different person. Yeah. Like literally, I sometimes wish I would take before and after photos. Yeah. Right. Here's the before picture of this client on day one, and here's on the day that the divorce was entered. And it really is two very different people. >> Yeah. It's a remarkable change. >> It just is. And you're going to find yourself all over again. You're going to reinvent yourself. And that is so exciting and encouraging. >> It is. Yeah. And like I said, don't don't delay that, you know? Like I've had clients tell me, I know everyone tells me it's going to be better, but okay, just start start living it. Start believing it. Don't wait until the divorce is done because I'm going to be honest with you, there is some sort of, you know, maybe therapeutic closure when you get this little piece of paper and it says it's a final decree. Okay, it's not what you think it's going to be. It's not some magic diploma that is going to make you mentally, emotionally like feel different. There is a level of closure, but don't wait. Don't delay for that. Don't think that some piece of paper from a guy in a black robe is going to change your mentality. No, you're going to change your mentality. So, don't use the legal stuff as like an excuse of, well, when those papers come in, then I'll No, we don't delay anymore. No more no more delaying happiness. No more delaying our joy. That begins the day that you hire me and Jared. >> That's right. It starts day one and it continues throughout the duration of the case and it then flourishes after the case is over with. I mean, if you are this new reinvented person, imagine how many more friends you're going to make. Imagine how much more successful you're going to be in your career. Imagine how much better your relationship with your kids is going to be, right? Imagine your future romantic relationships, how amazing and fun those are going to be. All because you have this new lease on life. You've reinvented yourself. You're back to your old self, but not even your old self, your new and improved better self. >> It is. Yeah. Yeah. >> And you're just kicking ass, right? And so that's where we want to see you guys get. That's what we help clients do on a daily basis. Um we have offices in Sani and Athens. So, we're here to help guide you through your divorce process every step of the way. Make sure you subscribe so you'll be the first to know about future episodes. And as always, we appreciate you. We look forward to seeing you next time.