Welcome back to Oxendine Law, our podcast. Look, not every divorce has to be a contentious courtroom battle. In this episode, we're going to introduce you to the collaborative divorce process, which is a very peaceful, collaborative, easy, smooth approach to resolving your divorce dispute. So, if you're hoping to settle your case with dignity, compassion, speed, this one's for you. >> That's exactly right. So, a lot of times we hear people ask us a question about what is collaborative divorce? Um, what are we talking about? I've I've seen a lot on the internet about collaborative divorce. Um, really collaborative divorce is anytime that you tell your divorce attorney, I don't want this to be a battle. I want you, cuz we set the tone. We're the divorce attorneys. We set the tone of any litigation. If I have a client, which honestly is most of my clients, walk in and say, "I've been scared to do this because I don't want the fight. I don't want the battle. I've heard these horror stories of how emotionally taxing the divorce process can be. Is there any way to make it easy?" That's a collaborative divorce right there. When you tell me, I want to start this in an amicable posture and I want you to try and make it continue that way. So, what are some ways that I can start a collaborative or cooperative divorce? Number one, let's not just have the person served quick and easy. We let them know ahead of time. Here's a letter. Um, so and so has retained me to represent them in a divorce action. We would prefer to not have contentious, protracted litigation. Would you be willing to acknowledge service? Maybe even invite them to attend a mediation before we file the case. So, not catching them off guard, not catching them by surprise, letting them feel like they're a part of the process before we even talk to the court about a divorce is a great way to begin a collaborative divorce process. >> Yeah, I think that's a great way to begin the discussion. When I think of collaborative divorce, I think about two parties that have come together and they are in agreement that for whatever reason it's not working and they need a divorce. And so, they both may have their own attorneys, which is okay. They don't think that collaborative divorce means that you can't have your own attorney. You can, and frankly, you should. >> I mean, that collaboration, it's in the word right there. >> That's right. So, you're collaborating. The parties are on the same page. The attorneys are on the same page with what the goals are and what the parties want to accomplish, but we just don't have all the pieces of the puzzle put together. So, the collaborative process to me is the parties being on the same page, the attorneys being on the same page with the process and how we're going to get there. And then we actually work in concert with each other. We may ha uh hire a joint financial expert. Let's say there's a a business that needs to be valued. Well, we collaborate together and we agree to hire a joint financial neutral that's going to do the accounting and give us a number that we're all going to use to work off of to try and reach a settlement, >> a joint appraisal on the house or simply a stipulation as to the value so that we don't have to hire an appraiser. Things little steps like this bring the process to become collaborative as we're progressing through your litigation. >> Right? So collaborate just means we're all on the same page. We're working we're working together to achieve a common goal and an amicable common result. >> Right? I've had clients come in and talk to me about my spouse has hired an attorney that's in the collaborative divorce network and they've told me I have to also hire someone in the collaborative divorce network or collaborative divorce group um for this to be uncontested. That's not true. those sort of organizations exist and they're just a good way to identify some people. But at the same time, that's just an attorney paying to be a part of a group. >> That's right. >> Just like any other group of any other title. Um, anytime there are two good attorneys, and I say good as in listening to their client and understanding what their client wants and using their expertise and skills to accomplish the client's goals, not to pad their own billing, you can have a collaborative divorce. >> Yeah. And and I will say obviously for co a collaborative divorce to work, both parties have to be working together. If you're fighting, you're not getting along, like one person's trying to intimidate you and threaten you and they're out for the max of what they can get and the other person has different goals, that's not a collaborative divorce. I also want people to understand that you can still do mediation in a collaborative divorce. Frankly, that probably will still likely happen in your collaborative divorce. Mediation happens all the time in contested cases as a way to resolve a dispute. But just because you're in a collaborative divorce does not mean that you will not still have a mediation session. You probably will after all the information is gathered, everybody's operating on the same facts and figures. Think mediation, frankly, is a great way for everybody to get together and discuss this tool to actually come to that final resolution because for those of you who have not been through this process or not worked with attorneys in the past, I don't know how to say this enough. We're busy. We're busy. We're busy. we're busy. So when it comes to just exchanging emails or a letter of settlement, no matter how collaborative and amicable it is, those can't always take priority in every day because we have a court appearance or we have another mediation or we have a deposition. So scheduling a mediation session a lot of times is just the best way to get everyone in the same place at the same time to focus on your case. It doesn't we could be this close but not only can you come together have everyone's full focus and attention even the experts become available so it's not like you're you're this close and you just need a little more input from an expert and well he's not available no you've noticed them that mediation is this day they're available so you can get it done but most importantly you can get those signatures right there today so we don't have to delay when it comes to paperwork either. >> Yeah. If you and your spouse are amicable, uh you're on the same page, you're getting along, collaborative divorce is a great process. You want to protect privacy, collaborative divorce. You want to protect the kids, collaborative divorce. You want to protect your finances, collaborative divorce. You want this over quickly and amicably and with the least amount of stress possible, collaborative divorce. But it does require both parties to be working collaboratively together, >> right? But also protecting yourself, collaborative divorce. Sometimes we Jared and I both have seen clients who come in later and they sign something they were given because they said, "Well, I just I didn't want to fight." Just because you don't sign the first thing you're given, doesn't mean you can't have a collaborative divorce. All you have to do is say, "Okay, great. I'll have an attorney look at it." And if you bring it to us and say, "Hey, this looks good to me, but I'm not a a legal expert. I don't know exactly what I'm looking at." Jared and I can tell you things that okay, it looks good, but I would suggest this or that and we can still collaborate to get it into a form that protects you without starting a battle. >> Yeah. Don't think to be a collaborative divorce, you can't get your own counsel. You should. And frankly, if your spouse comes to you and says, "Hey, I want to do a collaborative divorce. I found an attorney that we can use." Guess what? That attorney does not represent both of you because no attorney can represent both parties in a divorce case. So, whoever your spouse hires, that attorney is representing them in that collaborative divorce. You still need to get your own attorney. And just because you get your own attorney, again, as long as both parties on the same page, the attorneys have communicated, everybody's operating on the same goals and objectives. It's a collab divorce, but you're also at the same time looking out for yourself. Just because you do collaborative divorce doesn't mean there's still not instances where you need to protect yourself, and you need your own attorney to do that. All right? So, look, divorce doesn't have to be war. If you want to explore a more respectful route, uh, subscribe to the Ox and Daw podcast. Hit that share button. Uh, that way you can check us out on YouTube for future and further legal strategies. We'll see you next time.