What Happens During the First 30 Days After Filing for Divorce?

Welcome back to the Ox and Dine Law podcast. You know, the first 30 days after filing for divorce often are the most overwhelming. Um, emotions are high, finances may be changing, and a lot of people have no idea what to do next. So, today we're going to walk you through the most important things to focus on during that first month after filing for divorce. Christine, first is the obvious. Um, depending on your situation, there may be some emotional shock. >> Sure. >> And you have to temper those emotions. I know it's normal to have those emotions. Even if you're the one that filed for divorce and you want the divorce, you still have some emotions involved in that. It may relate to have I made the right decision or um how is the other side going to receive this news? Um how are they going to behave now that the case been filed? Uncertainty about what the outcome will be. And it's easy to catch yourself up in that and start making emotional decisions, espec especially if I have an attorney. So making emotional decisions or driving yourself crazy. I can't tell you how many clients that'll retain me. And it's like every day they're like, "Hey, you need anything from me? Hey, what's next? What do I need to do? What about this? What if that?" You know, and sometimes we're like, "Hey, you just got to relax. It's a process. You got to let this play out." And if the other side sees that you're too anxious or too nervous, especially if they have a good attorney on the other side, that actually can end up being a disadvantage. >> Yeah. So, I think a lot of times when we talk to somebody like in a consultation, um, you know, we have a limited amount of time and I can give them just a limited amount of information. So, a lot of times the focus is on easing their concerns of what's going to happen like when it's all over, when it's all said and done, what does my life look like? That's a common thing in a consultation and we talk about that thoroughly and then they talk about well then how do we get it started? So we talk about up to the date of filing. I think sort of one of the common phases that we forget to explain in detail to a client is what happens right after you file and the answer is nothing when it comes to me and Jared. So like Jared said like you're going to be experiencing a set of emotions at home and it's going to be highs and lows. you're going to be potentially even starting that grief process, the same ones that you're going to read about for death or whatever. You're going to mourn the, you know, the death of your marriage and that may start immediately. But it's important to know that that is separate from the legal process. So when you hire a good attorney like us or some of our colleagues, when you hire that attorney, let them handle the divorce. You go back to your daily life. That's the best advice I can give you. What do you do the first 30 days after you file? Go live your life to the extent that you can. You pretend the divorce doesn't exist. You are normal to your kids. You are normal to your friends and your colleagues. You are normal at work with your co-workers. You try to live your life as best you can because you've hyped yourself up usually. Um some people come in as a very easy decision. Most I'd say more common. You've sort of had to hype yourself up about this. You may have talked to me and Jared in the past. You may have just been talking to friends and family and it's like you gotta you gotta get ready and you got to hype yourself up and you get this little bit of adrenaline boost. You're like, "Okay, we're gonna file." And then you file and then I send you the documents and then it's like, "Okay, what now?" And then there's this sort of like weird sense of, "Oh, I thought I was going to exhale, but I haven't yet." Just go ahead and exhale because Jared and I are going to handle everything that happens and we will reach out to you when we need information from you that I promise you, we're not going to forget about you. You're not going to fall off the radar. But when you file for divorce and your spouse is served, they have 30 days to file an answer. And commonly it takes all of those 30 days, not because they're being lazy, not because they're trying to stretch it out. Don't read into it. Usually they've talked to an attorney and that attorney has brought them in and said, "Great. Someone hires us. I've been served divorce papers. Awesome." Now I look at it. What's the first thing I say? Oh, good. You were served yesterday. I have 30 days. I want to make sure that if I'm the one filing the answer that I'm not just reacting and that my client is not just reacting. Okay, we have 30 days. We're going to take them. I'm going to talk to you about what does this mean? What does this look like? I'm going to get you prepared. You're going to I'm going to draft the documents. You're going to look at them all. I'm going to make sure you fully understand them. So, don't think that they're dragging it out on purpose. That's usually not the case. It's usually like you've had time to prepare and get ready and sign your papers and okay, you know when it's coming. Well, now they're get the same little amount of time. So, they've got 30 days to file that answer. So, the best advice I can give you is to just go live your life and let us handle the heavy lifting when it comes to the legal side of a divorce. >> So, now that you've tempered your emotions, I would say the next thing you do is you start building your team. Okay? Okay. And your team, the obvious answer here that we're going to give you obviously includes your divorce attorney, but it's not just your divorce attorney. Building your team is your divorce attorney. It is getting together any experts that you may need because those are part of your team. What if you need an expert to value um an asset uh in your marriage such as a business? you know, we might need to have a business value to see what the business is worth. Or maybe we have um some forensic accounting that we need to do, or maybe we need to do an analysis of the other party's income because they're paid in cash or they're self-employed or for whatever reason, you know, they're not just a W2 employee. And so, we need an expert to go through financial documents, see what that person is making. We want to build our team. Our team includes your attorney. It can include your experts that you might have for the case. And again, those experts may also be child related experts. It could be a guardian adidum if we need a guardian adidum to be appointed in your case which is an advocate for the children that can be part of the team. A financial adviser may be part of the team. If you're the person that's not been in the know on the finances you might need to go ahead and secure the services of a financial adviser that can help you start making various considerations and plan financially for the future. And then finally build that support network. That support network is also part of your team. That may be a counselor. It may be a therapist. It may be a friend. It might be a neighbor. It might be a family member. I think all of those people and entities are important towards building your team so that you're successful for moving forward with the case. >> That's exactly right. So that's people often ask me, so what can I do now? That's what you can do. You can start taking care of home while we take care of law. >> That's right. So what's after that? So you your emotions are tempered, expectations are reasonable, you're patient, you're living your life, you've got your team in place. Well, guess what? From there, you can kind of relax a little bit because the next step, we're going to handle for you. Your experts are going to handle for you. And that really is starting to protect your finances. Protecting your finances includes identifying the assets >> and determining what those assets are worth. And then coming up with a plan and strategy on how we're going to separate those assets and what result you are seeking in the case and how we're going to accomplish that result. It's not just financial related. This includes decisions on custody, parenting time, child support, alimony, and division of assets. We start gathering the facts that we need to pursue your best claim. We start gathering the evidence that we need to pursue your best claim. We start analyzing the assets, making sure they're all identified, making sure we know what everything is worth. Once you have gotten to that point, you are now equipped, armed, locked, loaded, and ready to be successful in your case. >> That's exactly right. So this there's the phrase of, you know, hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait. There's a lot of that in these. Um, if you are served discovery from the other side, you may have been sitting dormant for a couple weeks while us attorneys behind the scenes are doing our thing, but if I call you and I say, you just got serve a discovery. I need your participation. You have 30 days to respond to discovery. And discovery a lot of times is extensive. It takes a little bit of time. So when we call on you, please do be ready to be a part of our team. and assist us in the things that we do need from you. Um, but also just don't panic when you go weeks without hearing from your divorce attorney. It's not because we've forgotten about you. You haven't fallen through the cracks. We're not, you know, just ignoring you by any means. Um, that's just how this thing goes. It's a classic hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. >> And so, the last thing that I would say, and again, we're saying 30 days. Some of this may be within 30 to 60 days, okay? Because like Christine said, once you file a case and serve the other party, they do have 30 days to file an answer. Once you serve them with discovery request, depending on when you serve it, they have 30 or 45 days to respond. So really, this is a combination of what to do within the first 30 to 60 days after you file. But this last consideration is also certainly very important, and that is making sure, we talk about a lot of this on this podcast, um, and that is creating stability for your children. Okay? Do your best to keep them as uninvolved with the case as possible. Don't involve them in adult conversations. Don't try and pit them against the other parent. Don't try to get them to make decisions on things that they have no business making decisions about, much less even knowing about. Try to create that stability for them. Maintain the routines as best as you can. Keep them in their same school. Keep them with their same extracurricular activity providers. keep them with their same medical providers. You don't know how many times we see in cases where somebody goes out and files and they all of a sudden want to start making all these changes to their children's school and what sports they play and what access the other parent has to the children. That is the worst thing you can do right after you've filed. >> And that's what I was going to say. So whatever level of interaction and involvement that the children have experienced with both of their parents, try your best to maintain that. do not think you're gaining any advantage by suddenly I mean if dad's always the one who takes the son to baseball practice mom don't suddenly be like oh don't worry I've got it I've got it I've got it whatever the children are used to to the extent that you can keep it keep it in place um level of involvement from grandparents you know if it's something where okay let's say you're the mom and dad's parents almost always see them on the weekends right they they pick them up every Sunday and take them to church that's just how it's always in. Don't suddenly start trying to cut off access to them. Why don't I don't want his family around them anymore? Like whatever is consistent for your children. Like try your best to maintain it. Put your feelings aside, your emotions aside, your opinions aside to make sure their life is as uninterrupted as possible because there will be some interruption event whether we settle or a judge makes a decision, whatever. There's going to become a time where this household is separated into two. but let's just try to make that one solid transition as opposed to just sort of existing in chaos for months and months and months. Um, children love to be have some level of control. They love to know what's coming. They love to have that level of involvement. So, just make sure that you're maintaining their consistency to the extent you can and then prepare them properly for what's coming next. Jared and I are going to have the conversation with you about when to have the conversation with your children. Don't just go rogue and go tell them when dad hasn't talked to them yet or vice versa, right? We Let's plan all that out. Um, you're not gaining any advantage with anybody and all you're doing is harming your children. >> All right, guys. That's just the first 30 to 60 days. You have to check out other episodes to see what happens next. With offices in Athens and Sani, Georgia, we're here to help guide you through every step of the process. Make sure you hit that subscribe button. We'll see you next time.