Welcome back to the Oxendine Law podcast. Jared Oxendine and Christine Palmer here and today we're talking about something that is really making a big impact on divorce cases. In today's world, your social media feed can say more about your case than you realize. Whether it's Facebook posts, text messages, digital footprints are making waves in the outcomes in family court. So let's talk about how to protect your online self during a divorce case. Christine, I guess the basic thing is how do these things become evidence? And it's just there. It's out there. I mean, people are taking screenshots and those screenshots can be timestamped and it could be your spouse or, you know, it doesn't have to be a divorce case. This could be a legitimation case where we're talking about custody. So, it's your significant other or the other parent or it might be witnesses. I mean, heck, opposing council may go online and find some inappropriate stuff you posted and show their client say, "Hey, look at what I found for you." So, it's very easy to go online and get that evidence. I mean, what you put out there, you're putting out for literally the world to see, and any of that stuff and all of that stuff can and will be used against you. Uh, to use a famous quote. >> Most certainly. Yeah. I think that people sometimes love to vent on social media because there's this sort of concept of like that's where all my friends reside, right? All my support team, all my friends live here. They reside here and I can access them all at once with one single post. had a really bad day today, blah blah blah. And and the outpouring of support that comes in is comforting oftentimes, but you don't realize the damage that you are doing because that is not for their eyes only. Even if you're set to private, there are going to be people that can get in. You never know who is playing both sides, who has been bribed or paid. We've literally seen that. I will pay you this, give you this, give you tickets to this game if you'll just screenshot some of these. You never know who your friends are and who they're not. Uh people turning on you. So just putting that out there for the world to see is never a smart move. >> And some common mistakes that people make as far as content that they post would be, for example, one thing that judges hate is rants about your ex or rants about the other parent, trashing and disparaging the other parent online. And the reason judges don't like that is, and again, most of this relates to custody, okay? But we're talking mainly about how this would affect the outcome in a custody or a parenting time case. You know, depending on what's out there, could it affect a divorce case from a standpoint of adultery? Yes. I mean, if you're if you're posting pictures of yourself out on a date with a significant other, right? >> Posting from Cabo with your new girlfriends. >> Yeah. Right. Right. Obviously, that could play into the divorce case. But primarily, we're talking about custody and parenting time. So, if you're out there trashtalking the other parent, the reason judges don't like that is because your kids could see that, your kids' friends could see that, your kids teachers could see that, other members of the community could see that. And it makes you look like a bad parent. And it also sends the wrong message to your kids and members of the public about not only you, but also your kids and the other parent. And judges hate that. >> Sure. Um, if you've listened to any of our podcasts about custody, you have heard me and Jared tell you that the number one thing any judge in the state looks at when determining custody, especially primary physical custody, is which parent is will better promote a relationship between the child and the other parent. That is the one thing that can set you apart from the other parent. Is if you promote a positive relationship between your children and the other parent and the other parent fails to do that, that is what makes you superior in the parent world. So you are putting on social media, you're basically telling the judge, I'm not that parent. I'm not here to promote a relationship between the children and the other parent. And you may argue, oh, the children would never see that. It doesn't matter. It's your attitude. And it's your mindset. And you are showing the court that I don't want a positive relationship between that person and the kids. >> Yeah. And I think another mistake people make, and I hate when people do this, but you see people do it all the time. I don't know why people think it's good to do this on social media. They post negative things about themselves and I don't think they really intend or know what they're doing. And the example is constantly posting about, hey, I'm really having a bad day today. I really could use some help. I need a friend. I need somebody I can count on. And just it makes you look mentally unstable. And so if custody and parenting time are an issue and you've got just this tiraate of post over a long period of time, I'm sping out of control. Somebody help me please. Have you seen those? Like why does anybody just forget about these case for a second. Why does anybody ever think that's a good idea? >> Attention seeking. >> Yeah, >> that's it. And courts don't like that part either. You should not be drawing attention to the issues of your divorce. That it is supposed to be private. >> That's right. And then the clear thing I touched on earlier, but obviously if you're going through a divorce and you're in a relationship with somebody else and your spouse doesn't know about it, I mean this should go without saying, but you'd be surprised how many times we've seen people make this mistake. Don't post pictures of yourself with a boyfriend or girlfriend online and taking vacations together and having dinners together. I mean, come on. >> Right. Right. But also know that to a degree what you post on social media could be helpful if you are an upstanding member of the community and you're constantly posting that I took my kids to go volunteer today or all of your posts are about just how much you enjoy spending time with your kids. You got pictures from the trunk or treat recently. You've got pictures where you are at curriculum night having a good time. You show up to the art shows and if you've just posting, don't say anything about the other parent. Just promoting what a joy it is to be a parent. That can help you. And don't do it fakey. Don't think you just can't post anything. Just make sure your posts remain positive. >> That's a great point. You can actually use social media to your advantage. You just have to be cognizant and aware of what you're posting and how that's going to be viewed by everybody out there that's looking. >> And be savvy. Don't be over the top. That doesn't mean every single day that you post a picture, oh my god, I love my baby so much. Cuz that looks fake. It looks over the top. But to the degree that you can show that the posts that you do make are child- centered and are promoting your relationship with your children in a regular and normal manner, it can be helpful. And I will say if you are in one of these contested situations where a custody, parenting time are an issue and you see where the other parent has posted this stuff, by all means go ahead and take those screenshots. >> Screenshot. Screenshot. Screenshot. >> Save that information. Get it to your attorney because we can and will use that. >> Gosh. Because how many times have you seen somebody post something and they take it down two hours later? Yes. And like they're pulling it back up. Did you see this? So yes, people often do that and then thinks better delete or have a trusted friend or family member who texts them and says, "Do not do that. Stop." Like that is a terrible idea. Take that down immediately. So if you do see it, go ahead and screenshot. >> Think before you post, folks, because the internet never forgets. Reach out to us if we can help. Hit that subscribe button either on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform so that you see all of our episodes. We'll chat with you next time.